I’ve done the WhackMagazine article and my little blurb for Camille’s blog all about our company, and now it’s time for my uncensored thoughts about XBIZ. How many blog posts can I milk out of this? Only time will tell.

First of all, let me just get this right out of the way: it was rad. I love hanging out with porn people because I just feel like I can be myself. I’m lucky in that I have a lot of people in my life who allow me to be myself, but that’s not often the case in a work environment. I can be 100% Sophie pretty much all the time, as brash, outspoken, sexually-charged as I want to be. Life is good. In the case of a big event like XBIZ, though, there’s still the need to be professional and on target about the company, so it’s an interesting balancing act and a very good lesson to learn!

One thing I noticed (well, gained a deeper understanding of) is that porn is all about hustling. It’s very rare that you meet someone with only one thing on the go. Yeah, we’re all there representing one thing for the most part, but we quickly end up talking about all of our projects and ventures. As a PR and marketing person/blogger, I’ve got the two things going on, but it did give me the hankering for another gig. That’s the nice thing about porn… You can really explore a lot of avenues, because they all find ways of supporting each other. My blogs serve to elevate my status as a figure in adult, which makes people more likely to listen when I’m telling them things about the sites I work for. It’s all connected in this industry.

I was very inspired. I got several new ideas of my own, as well as tons and tons for the company. I feel like that trip paid for itself a thousand times over, or it will. It’s hard not to get caught up in the energy, especially when there are people who wear so many hats. Figuratively, not literally, although I did meet a lot of people wearing interesting hats. Porn thing? A lot of people had projects extending past porn, which I found especially fascinating. As somewhat of a multipotentialite (Jack of all trades), I love talking shop about music, television, writing, law… It’s all very fascinating.

Another thing I encountered (with which I unfortunately don’t have much experience) is the phenomenon of fat acceptance and fat admiration. As someone who has straddled the line between curviness and legitimate fatness/fattitude/fatiousity, it was very eye opening. Getting to talk to fellow big folks about how awesome we are without putting a bunch of caveats and conditions was very refreshing, and meeting people who don’t like big people because of their bodies was intriguing. I’m sure this will spawn a post or two, because I love problematizing that shit, but for now I’ll just say that it felt like I was on a vacation from the bullshit that I encounter regularly, which was very welcome. I didn’t really expect it coming from XBIZ and I was actually dreading what people would think/say about me… Expect the unexpected at porn conferences.

It definitely wasn’t as debauched as you’d think/hope, unless the cool kids were doing bad things on the DL. The whole thing was very above bar. The parties were wonderful, but they were always under the auspices of work and playtime together. No introduction was without a business card and no farewell was without a promise to follow-up. That said, I did find myself making show friends.

I came alone, but I knew a few Montreal people, so it was all good. Amber and Todd from GirlzPorn were also in attendance, so we got to have a lot of time talking out lofty plans and goals for the betterment of pornography. While alone at the Cybersocket awards, I literally bumped into a dear German guy from Fleshlight. That segued into getting to know the other two thirds of the Fleshlight crew, so I was privy to some hilarious antics from this trio. They should have a sitcom. But honestly, what an impressive group of people. Smart, witty and very nuanced and deep and progressive about porn. If you were wondering if Fleshlights were ethical, I think the answer is a resounding yes.

The incredible Kelly Shibari was at XBIZ, and we spoke briefly but she was busy being a social media queen, so I flitted away and found her the next day over morning cocktails (don’t judge me!) to express my adoration. She’s a foxy curvy babe with a real mind for marketing and Padded Kink won a Feminist Porn Award too. I have a feeling I’ll be collaborating with this lovely lady in the future. I also got some excellent face time with Sonny Malone, who is an editor extraordinaire and member of the AVN Hall of Fame. She was beyond sweet and made me laugh uproariously during our second speed networking session.

I also met tons of stars. It almost killed my soul. So many porn crushes! I just need to meet Courtney Trouble and Madison Young and I have pretty near met them all. While standing in line, I met director/star Sean Michaels, who was super cool and made me want to pick his brain for hours. I approached the bar and had a great long chat with Dana Dearmond, who was real and hilarious. James Deen is so hot that I practically bit my tongue while talking to him because coordination was difficult. Wolf Hudson has this smiiiile and this completely disarming charm. If he were a cult leader, I’d join. Nica Noelle actually thought I was a performer and was asking about my availability. This singlehandedly got me thinking about doing porn… Scandal! I would do so much porn for her. She’s a legend and sweet as all get out. I even got to reconnect with Reid Mihalko, who I last saw at the Dirty Talk Olympics while improvising an erotic scene about worshipping his taint. That’s a thing. I also met Nina Hartley, Lily Labeau, Carla Cox, Layla Rivera, Max Hardcore, Tanya Tate, Mark Spiegler, Skin Diamond… Even Ron Jeremy! It was a star-studded event, to say the least.

The days were super long. I was trying to work a bit, then shower and network/attend talks from 10-5, then get ready and go out for several events every night. By the end, I had completely lost my voice. When I finally left the Sofitel and caught up with my Californian relatives, I couldn’t speak above a weird mannish whisper. I wish I could say it was sexy, but it was gross and creepy. It was worth it, though. I want to go 100 of these events, because they’re great for business and great for all sorts of self-knowledge. I feel like I challenged myself and got inspired to go further in the industry. Once you realize how pretty much uniformly great everyone is, why wouldn’t you want to be a bigger part of this crazy world?